This is Your October Surprise

Feeling paralyzed by the endless string of horrific events, deranged world-views, endless lies, and soul-killing policies? Feeling powerless? If so, then their plan is working. It’s how every fascist movement works–by intimidation and a constant wearing down of a weary electorate.

You have one great power left – use it now.

Coming on the heels of last week’s right-wing mail bomb terror campaign conducted against the president’s declared enemies, the race-hatred murders this week of two African Americans out shopping and eleven Jews practicing their faith–this is your October surprise. The president’s bid to upend the Constitution by fiat is just the kicker, timed to exploit these events for maximum hate-mongering.

Blame is meaningless. VOTE accordingly. You can vote for reason, or you can vote for white nationalist authoritarianism unleashed on a soon-to-be-former democratic republic.

There is no equivalence. Unless you consider it a crisis of law (or even formal Democratic party policy) that a few unhinged leftist protesters have verbally harassed public officials in elevators and restaurants, or that a few anti-fascist rebels meeting the “fine people” with swastikas on their helmets in mutual battle is a crisis of law—unless you believe that lie–you know from documented events that only one “side” is conducting a coordinated war on American norms and values, ginning up white paranoia and spreading bald-faced lies for political gain,  then refusing to respond when their lies are corrected by the press.

Only one side’s populist figurehead is exhorting racial animus and fanning its flames at Nuremberg-style populist rallies soaked in hate–and has been for years. Only one side’s figurehead tried for eight years to spread “birtherism” nonsense about an African-American president, convincing a sizeable (racist) portion of  the country that the president was “not a real American”–not because of where he was born, but because he is black.

Only one side’s figurehead is celebrating political violence and hate speech at these rallies, later reading condemnations of the same, in a listless monotone, a teleprompter’s canned words rather than his own, when such violence is carried out in his name. These condemnations are read in that slow, robotic manner as if to impart the coded message that “They’re making me say this snowflake stuff – for now”. And for all that, such statements are usually undermined quickly with an impromptu speech from the “heart” [sic] that erases any vestiges of human feeling that might have been found in the original statement prepared by his handlers. Because the president does not really believe in mercy or tolerance or sympathy–these are the qualities of the weak. He believes only in strength, power, and dominance over one’s enemies. 

Only one side is characterizing refugees fleeing violence and crippling poverty as some kind of military invasion requiring a military response. This tactic supports American white nationalist/neo-Nazi philosophy as promulgated through “Storm Front” and other hate groups—i.e., that multicultural Democrats led by “globalist” Jews like George Soros are organizing immigrants/refugees to “take over” the US and wipe out the “white race,” whatever that is. It matters not that the president’s son-in-law is a Jew; Jared and the kids are safe in the White House, and the president believes he can “use” such support to maintain his power–the only thing that matters–which is why he has praised white supremacists and neo-Nazis as “good people” and recently referred to himself as a “_____ Nationalist” (fill in the blank). He does not waste time pondering how the cavalier political use–and social elevation–of dangerous shadow groups dedicated to mayhem steeped in anti-Semitism may affect–or in the case of this week, how it has affected–the lives of “ordinary” American Jews.

Only one side is ignoring the Constitution in its pursuit of power, threatening extra-Constitutional executive orders and legislation to strip Americans of the rights they are born with. Only one side abrogated their duty under the Constitution by ignoring a Supreme Court nomination by the sitting president in order to steal that seat for Republicans. Only one side is seeking to disenfranchise minority voters and actively suppressing their right to vote, then defending this criminality as a remedy for a proven-to-be-fake “voter fraud” crisis they refuse to acknowledge is fake (because they don’t want to). Only one side is ignoring the clanging alarm bells of global climate change in favor of the next quarter’s balance sheet. Only one side risks bankrupting the nation with irresponsible, unnecessary tax cuts, transferring over a trillion dollars in (borrowed) wealth from ordinary citizens’ future earnings to their ultra-wealthy donors who prop them up in Congress. Only one side is systematically dismantling women’s access to reproductive health care bit by bit–endangering millions of non-wealthy women’s lives–all in the name of “life”. Only one side is publicly calling the other side “evil” and “corrupt” at its figurehead’s political rallies. Only one side’s frothing arena denizens scream “LOCK THEM UP” about former US leaders and the press, indeed about any and all political opponents the figurehead cares to name, people guilty of no crime save being a political threat to the promised new order. Only one side’s figurehead is fomenting widespread mistrust of the free press in favor of his proven lies. Only one side is encouraging the belief that the free press is the “enemy of the people.”

This is not a culture war with two “sides” seeking political advantage. This is an assault by a white nationalist insurgency, which has captured a major political party and, with help from America’s geopolitical foes, installed a selfish, uncaring, willfully ignorant narcissist figurehead in the White House. It is an assault by a powerful, paranoid minority on the principles and institutions of the United States, a group that has decided the only way to preserve white power is to bring about an end to democratically administered rule of law via a “post-truth” philosophy of white hegemony at all costs. They mouth support for the “rule of law” only in regard to laws they like, laws that restrict freedoms rather than grant them. The first and fourteenth amendments are suspect. Non-corporate speech should be “controlled,” mosques “monitored,” protests “outlawed”. Citizenship is fluid, not defined by the Constitution; it is to be defined by them once power is consolidated. Laws enacted by the “evil” Democrats and bench legislation from “activist” (i.e. liberal/moderate) judges are suspect. The very truth of the law is suspect–their may be “alternative facts” to support another interpretation of its plain words.

Reason and fealty to the law are not their priorities–the constant lying about what the law is demonstrates this. They are driven by fear–fear of the “other”, fear of retribution at the hands of those they now oppress and relegate to the margins of society, a fear stoked daily by their former reality show star and leader, fear that has–as it has in so many places in the past–metastasized into a deep hatred of all who oppose them. And wherever this philosophy of a “strongman” who will protect Us from Them presides or looms large–be it Russia, North Korea, Poland, Hungary, Brazil, the Philippines or anywhere else–they find fast friends. Where freedom reigns–Canada, the EU, Japan, France, Germany–they see the enemy.

The other “side”—though nearly powerless at this point—is simply trying to stop them. No amount of threats, ridicule, sarcasm, lies or “whataboutism” changes these truths. One side is trying to destroy what we are and remake us in the fear-mongering, hate-filled, paranoid image of their irrational, ignorant, lying reality show star. The other is trying to preserve our freedoms and our dignity, and to prevent this descent into authoritarian nationalism. It is not a Republican thing. It is not a Democrat thing. It is an American thing.

Don’t vote like a party member. Vote like an American–like a Pennsylvania Jew at worship or an African-American out shopping. Vote like an American Muslim whose mosque was burned down. Vote like a journalist, caged in Trump’s arena with thousands mocking you, threatening you for telling the truth about their golden calf. Vote like a poor working single mother with a pre-existing condition. Vote like a senior depending on Medicare. Vote like a refugee fleeing violence, locked in a cage, your children locked in another cage, a “kinder” cage. Vote like your life depends on the outcome. Because it does. 

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Another Day on the Edge

Mobsters are comfortable under pressure. By definition, they are used to high-risk scenarios where they could either win big or go down in flames. Just another day for them. In fact, because of their personalities and backgrounds, they tend to enjoy the pressure, because they know that for them it’s like a star athlete’s muscle memory, not a debilitating factor but an advantage – the pressure only rattles amateurs.

But for the rest of us, the average folks, having the fate of the world dangling by a thread every other week is not fun, it’s not exciting, it’s just kind of nauseating. Because unlike them we don’t have anything to gain, really, but we still have everything to lose. We lose if the mob wins, because we know that no matter what it may look like on the outside, it’s the chaos of amoral greed  on the inside. It’s a slow-motion heist. It’s a grand con.

It can’t last, they know it, and as learned mobsters they will simply grab all they can before the alarms go off. If they’re lucky, they’ll manage to muffle the alarms and just get gone with the goods, leaving the rest of us holding the bag. That bag will have been emptied. As we speak, they’re grabbing the last few bundles of c-notes out of the bottom and stuffing them into their jacket pockets. The car is at the curb, running, the driver white-knuckling the gear shift knob. I think I hear sirens in the distance.

 

 

How Do You Like Your Blue Eyed Boy Mr. Death?

(Reposted from icky Facebook)

Regarding Pete Ricketts, our bloodthirsty “Catholic” governor, and his pious [sic] God the Father Joe Ricketts: you both can feel good today about having put to death a helpless prisoner of the state for no reason other than that you desperately wanted to. You did it despite a legislative veto override by usurping the legislature’s constitutional authority to make law. You spent hundreds of thousands of dollars – of your own money and ours – to do it.

You did it despite the courts ordering you to divulge the source of your illegally obtained drugs, an order you never obeyed because it would have legitimized the lawsuits brought against you by the drug companies you stole your death drugs from. You broke the law to do it. You admitted the drugs you are using were improperly (and incompetently) stored at room temperature and may be corrupted – you did it anyway.

You did it despite your faith’s universal condemnation of the death penalty – in all cases – calling this church doctrine “the pope’s opinion,” which you somehow “respect” but ignore, thus demonstrating your defiance of your faith’s commandments when they do not fit your agenda. In fact, you did it despite your membership in a diocese group that pledges fealty to the pope’s teachings (time to resign from that one). You did it despite the last-minute pleadings of your Bishops, your Priests, your Sisters – despite the desperate pleadings of some 600 clergy, in fact, comprising the bulk of the Catholic faith community in Nebraska. You did it despite pleas from tens of thousands of ordinary Nebraskans.

You did it despite the academic community having soundly debunked your garbage theories on “deterrence,” which you know have always been garbage theories.

You have no reasoning to stand on. You are not reasonable.

In the end, you did it for one selfish reason: to demonstrate that you arbitrarily wield the power of life and death over us powerless peasants. And you believe if you can hold that terrible power over us, you hold complete power over us. You can kill the state’s prisoners—or not kill them—for your sport, for now, and that probably feels like the ultimate power, like the power of God. But we all know how history ultimately treats would-be tyrants who ignore their conscience, abuse their powers and defy the law they were elected to uphold. It’s too late for justice – vengeance has owned the day. But I believe that one day, justice will be served.

And you won’t like how that feels.

White Man’s Brethren

I am white, and a man. That puts me in some storied company, and it also puts me in a category. How should I feel about my story? My company? My category?

It’s true I never owned any slaves or denied anyone a seat on a bus or at a lunch counter, but I live in a nation where much of the capital city was built by slaves, where for centuries men who look just like me bought and sold people as if they had that right. And even after that wrong was undone, Jim Crow laws and – now – quiet institutional racism (in the courts, corporate America, schools – it goes on) keep African-Americans at arms length from the breaks, resources and opportunities whites take for granted. And of course I live in a history-damaged culture that automatically assumes the best about me as it automatically assumes the worst about black and brown people.

Everywhere I go. I don’t get followed around in stores, people don’t cross the street when I’m walking towards them on the sidewalk. I haven’t been pulled over in 30 years. And even if I were to be pulled over, chances are I’d be treated with automatic respect rather than automatic suspicion.

All of which means that even if I don’t promote racism or racist hegemonic policies, I benefit from those in power who do, as do those who keep them in power with their votes. And that means staying silent about this massive inequity built into our system is a kind of silent assent. It is equivalent to the “wink” received by the late student who is the teacher’s pet, while the other late students languish in detention for the same offense.

In today’s parlance, what I am trying to achieve is known as being “woke”. Part of that is being awake to the reality that it is not laziness, or genetic differences (which don’t exist by the way) or even cultural differences that leave African-Americans and other “visible” non-whites behind the starting gate and perennially behind the curve. it is our color-coded institutions themselves, and our willful ignorance of the reality of the lives of minorities, that perpetuates this inequality, this injustice that has spanned centuries.

There are plenty of statistics on this, if you’re into that. But it should not be necessary to see the hard data to know, as an American, that our playing field is far from level. You see it play out every day, in the color of gangsters, the color of kids in detention or juvenile court, the color of kids in failing schools, versus the color of kids in private preschools, suburban Debate Team kids, Senate interns, private college alumni and beer-soaked fraternity brothers. Yet we persist in this fantasy – that “everyone” has the same chances to work hard, get ahead, be successful, what have you. We trot out anomalous examples like Colin Powell (2nd gen Jamaican American) and Barack Obama (2nd gen Kenyan American) as if these men put the lie to the millions of citizens who are struggling to stay alive and make ends meet in a society that cares little about whether they do or not.

In fact, these examples do more to prove the rarity of such achievement than how common it could be “if minorities would only take advantage of all the opportunities this country has to offer”. News flash: those opportunities are rare in the ghetto. Powell and Obama are unicorns, the million-to-one black Americans who never lived in public housing, whose family legacies in this country did not begin with being another man’s property. But they were still black. They made it big despite the mountain of obstacles that still stood in their way. So yes, these are exceptional men. And we could expand these examples to people like Clarence Thomas, Valerie Jarrett, Maxine Waters, Oprah, Beyonce, Tiger, and all the way back to ML King, Malcolm X, James Baldwin, Alice Walker, Langston Hughes, and further back to W.E.B. DuBois, Sojourner Truth, Harriet Tubman, and Frederick Douglas, not to mention the many successful black and minority athletes, entertainers. and business achievers over the centuries.

But the fact that we can name so many of these people from memory demonstrates that they are the exceptions, not the rule. And good for them, for their amazing talents show us also that there is by no means an intellectual, creative or moral “advantage” to being white (as Thomas Jefferson fervently believed). Quite the contrary: it is the narrow thinking and immorality of white America’s past-into-present that has kept their numbers so low. Witness also how many of these well-known and well-regarded black Americans are from our recent past, a time when at least the non-corporate world has opened up more and more opportunities for minorities to demonstrate their chops. It is particularly interesting to note that where black and minority Americans seem to succeed the most – in athletics, in entertainment, in the military, in medicine, in politics and the law – these are fields where your success depends the least on “who you know” and the most on “what you can do.” Yes – sisters are doing if for themselves, and brothers are willing to work it out.

Of course, we can say the same thing about women. How many female Senators were there in 1950? How may female CEOs? How many female Supreme Court justices? Was it because women back then were too “emotionally unstable” to hold such authority? Of course not, it was because the idea of mental weakness was projected onto them by men who were bent on retaining the exclusivity of their governing club. Having lived with women all their lives, having had mothers who raised them, they knew all too well of the vast capabilities of women. They simply pretended such abilities were overshadowed by an “Achilles heel” attributable to their sex. Nothing personal, ladies!

If I ever feel put-upon or unfairly judged for being white, or male, or a white male, I need to remember to suck it up and embrace the pendulum theory and the various philosophies of liberation that instruct my thinking:  if I am going to identify as a white man (as I must), I need to humbly acknowledge my cohort’s past behavior (and in too many cases, present behavior). I may not be responsible for it personally, but I am – by virtue of being born and especially by virtue of enjoying the tacit “entrée” of a white man’s world – a legacy member of the club that is responsible. Unless I vociferously  condemn the actions of men who have controlled and brutalized whole societies and half the world’s population for centuries (even when women are IN the same society), it would be reasonable to assume I tacitly condone such actions and beliefs. After all, I benefit from them.

But I condemn them now, and will always condemn them. Here is my humble manifesto: I reject the politics of hegemony, and in fact the very idea of hegemony, in what should be celebrated as a diverse, pluralistic society capable of fairness and equality, both under the law and in terms of the preparation of the next generation and legal reparations for those who’ve been oppressed and denied opportunities such as I have had for far too long. As we continue to divide along political lines, I am not on any “side,” because there should be no sides. I am on the side of justice, equality, and fairness.

Perhaps this is akin to what William Blake—a cultural rebel–was thinking when he wrote, “I must create a system, or be enslav’d by another man’s.” I am trying to live these words, to reify this vision, not just say the words to hear myself talk in lofty tones. And I’m not waiting for consensus. These words are true in and of themselves.

So if the pendulum is finally swinging, at least in the cultural imagination if not in the actual halls of power in 2018, the other way–toward condemnation of past practice and the awakening of those who suffered so long under the arbitrary caprices of various white European manipulators and oppressors—then I can draw no other conclusion but that it is a good thing. If as a result we, the reverse doppelgangers of the likes of Donald Trump and Jeff Sessions and Adolf Hitler, need to stand aside and let these people breathe free and speak their minds freely regarding our past performance, that is a good thing too. (I am suddenly reminded of South Africa’s “Truth and Reconciliation” commission. Maybe we need one of those.) If we all celebrate equality and, on the part of the oppressor demographic, practice humility and reconciliation, then perhaps the idea of egalitarianism can eventually take hold among the populace at large and, eventually, work its way all the way up to corporate board rooms and Washington’s halls of Ivy League-branded power. We’ve done something like it before (shout out to MLK and Barack). But in 2018 we have dropped the ball.

Although there are powerful forces arrayed against those who would leave nostalgia for the old white America behind, I think the majority of society will keep pushing that pendulum to the side of equality and universal liberty for the simple reason that we in the privileged class are outnumbered—soon we white folks will be just another minority. And if nothing else will motivate us, perhaps the looming prospect of  our chickens coming home to roost will. It’s how the good stories end, after all, with the downfall of the tyrant, brought on by those under his thumb who realize they have the will – and now the numbers. As we become that minority, I hope we will not need the threat of revolution to get all the way past the notion that anyone deserves any special privileges merely by reason of the circumstances of their birth.

End the Charade

It’s time for journalists to stop pretending the president doesn’t know what he’s doing – that his egregious policies are somehow “blunders” or based on a faulty understanding of how the world works.

That’s a cop-out. I don’t believe that. I think the president knows exactly what he’s doing: he’s weakening this nation economically (stupid tariffs) and in the eyes of its allies (stupid NATO belligerence), and undermining the rule of law (attacks on the Justice Dept.) all while cozying up to dictators (Kim, Putin, Xi)  with whom he identifies and shares values like strength and dominance over enemies (so many enemies). The president is not “ignorant” about democratic traditions and principles (like telling the truth or not enriching oneself via federal office, for example). No, he is simply antagonistic towards them. Whether this is based on learning, persuasion or his famous “instincts” does not matter. He is the anti-American president and he’s not shy about that. His supporters rejoice when he pardons criminals like Joe Arpaio and the insurrectionist ranchers. They don’t like the government, and neither does he.

Instead of “explaining” to the president how his policies threaten the very core of this society, journalists should start asking WHY the president and his allies in Congress are taking positions and implementing policies that threaten this society. The question they must answer: Why are you hurting your own society?

  • We have a trade war with zero stated goals or expected outcomes. Why? Why have a trade war and not say what you want? Vague accusations of “unfairness” are not something the Chinese can work with, especially when the stick (tariffs) is wielded before even attempting the carrot (negotiations). For that matter, there are no established lines of communication or designated teams on either the US or Chinese  side dedicated to negotiations from here on – all we have is the war. For what reason do you start a trade war – one that is sure to damage your own economy – when you have no stated demands which, if met by China, would end the war? One answer: the president is simply doing what he can, with the tools he has, to cripple the American economy.
  • We have repeated accusations that NATO countries aren’t “paying their fair share” – likening the countries of Europe to Trump’s deadbeat apartment tenants in Queens. Over and over, the president repeats the lie that NATO countries are “delinquent” when they are no such thing. The 2% GDP defense spending goal was just that – a goal. Not a commitment, not enforceable by any means, and most certainly not an amount “owed” to the president or anyone else. The 2% goal was a shared policy goal among sovereign democracies, not a “promise” to the United States. Why do we allow the president to keep pretending he does not know this?  It’s a simple thing to learn, and for my part I don’t believe he does NOT know this. He is simply using this lie as an excuse to do the dirty work of tearing down a post-WW2 alliance that has kept Europe (and America) protected from Russian expansionist policies for decades. He is actively weakening the alliance for no reason that could possibly help America or Western societies in general. Why? And who DOES it help when NATO is weakened?
  • As for the Justice Department – is America ready to concede that our own Justice Department is a secret society of Hillary worshipers and Deep State luminaries who “really” run the department for the sole purpose of continuing Obama-era policies and de-legitimizing the icky Republican president for purely partisan reasons? After firing FBI director James Comey for the stated reason that he was “thinking about the Russia investigation” (this is obstruction of justice, for those interested), the president has proceeded on a “witch hunt” of his own, transforming an obedient, feckless Congress into his own personal Spanish Inquisition bent on prosecuting a “corrupt” Justice Department. Yes, as the Mueller investigation racks up confessions, indictments and guilty pleas from the president’s campaign staff, the Justice Department overseeing that investigation is all of a sudden a quagmire of corruption and lies requiring Congress to intervene and “fix” it. That’s right. The president and his crew, under multiple investigations which have turned up multiple instances of criminal wrongdoing threatening the very existence of this nation –they are the ones being persecuted. It is the Justice Department and the FBI that are now criminal, because of course in this scenario, where they are piling up the evidence against you – they have to be. This is what’s known in lawyer circles as “putting the police on trial.” When your client is obviously guilty, you find a way of making the police look even more guilty by virtue of the methods they used to uncover and prosecute your wrongdoing. And abuse of power, you know, is much more serious an offense than – what – having a conversation or two with some Russian friends who just want to help both nations break through this silly Crimea annexation sanctions business and start making deals? And when you have a devoted throng of willfully ignorant followers in Congress and at your endless “love me” rallies (who hate your new enemies as much as you do, they just need you to point them out), it’s even easier to make the prosecution of your illegal behavior look like a partisan smear job. But again, it is incumbent on us to ask: Why destroy the American public’s faith in its institutions devoted to the rule of law just to provide cover to a president whose campaign for office was a hotbed of criminal traitorous activity, a man who lies to the American public every single day and will continue doing so? How is that a trade-off that ‘s good for the nation? Or if it’s not good for this nation, who IS it good for?

 

Divided We Stand

I was going to link to an Omaha World-Herald article here, but now can’t find the confounded thing. It’s an article by Erin Grace, a great reporter. But she was apparently given the assignment to write about the “common ground” between conservative and progressive neighbors in the Field Club area as they prepare for their non-political July 4th parade. What she found there were a progressive gay couple who try not to talk politics with their clients, and a Republican woman who is a stay-at-home mom (and she recycles). Her husband, a more politically active Republican, wasn’t home. Also, they were interviewed separately, not together. Hm.

 

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The article was an earnest attempt at completing the writing assignment, so why did it just make me more pessimistic about this society’s future? Maybe because the very few (3) subjects in this article really don’t represent the enormous gulf that has opened up between those of us who want a compassionate government and those who want a Trump-style regime of fear and intimidation. The two progressive men seem reasonable enough, to be sure – they are tolerant of their conservative clientele and “listen” more than talk with them. Who wouldn’t? And the “conservative” woman (who recycles?) seems normal enough – but of course her “politically active” conservative husband wasn’t available for comment. What would he have to say?

So – three Omaha neighbors, none of them straight white males, trying to put on a no-politics parade, working hard trying not to hate one another. Good stuff. But what if the journalist went beyond the niceties and started asking the progressive guys how they feel about kids in cages at the border? About the EPA being run by a flagrant criminal who hates the EPA? About Flint or Puerto Rico? Trump-Putin “summit” coming up and zero action on Russian election meddling? The millions of tax dollars being spent each month at Trump golf courses? The $82 million Jared and Ivanka made last year as “administration officials”? Continued insults to our allies and continued praise for dictators like Kim, Putin, Xi, Duterto? The economy-killing Trump trade war? Or how about the administration ignoring Pride Month, weakening LGBTQ legal protection, and trying to rid the military of trans people?

And how would the “conservative” woman defend these policies and this president? Would she defend them? We’ll never know. Perhaps it was incumbent on the World-Herald to go out and find some real Trumpers to provide the (civil?) “counterpoint” to the gay men’s politics of inclusion and tolerance (or even the Republican woman’s recycling)? I’m sure that a true Omaha Trumper (there are thousands out there) would have had a full-throated response consisting of lively arguments supporting the Trump agenda. They would also have let the reporter know exactly how they feel about liberal gay people and their wedding cakes, and I’m gonna go out on a limb here and predict that their defense of the administration and their ideas on liberals would not sound like “civility” to anyone not on board the Trump train. Go find some of those Nebraska boys in the MAGA hats “rollin’ coal” with their modified diesel trucks—the anti-environmentalists this state is famous for–sticking it to the libtards in their rice-burning Priuses. Or you could go to Lincoln and interview that Nazi student. Or if that’s too tough, just go talk to the governor and his cronies in the legislature. They’ll be happy to tell you what’s wrong with liberals and Democrats, and that they really ought to just keep quiet and leave the running of Nebraska to the GOP patriots.

The problem, I guess, is that the reporter was sent to interview “liberals” and “conservatives” about tolerance and partisanship. They left out the group actually running the country — the Trumpers.

America

It’s like when a loved one dies. Maybe you saw it coming, trying to prepare, but then it just rushes up into reality and becomes real and undeniable much more quickly than you were ready for: they are dead, and they are never coming back. Rest in Peace.

You look outside the window of the hospital waiting room after the team of doctors quietly leaves – the sun is shining, birds are singing, in the streets people come and go, traffic lights blink on and off. Why? Why does everything insist on continuing when your world is crushed like this? Everything should stop, and mourn with you. Because things will never be the same.

But it won’t stop. The world is the world, a machine, it runs even when we are broken down. It will run and run. Maybe it will do some recognizable things – day, night, winter, spring. But we’ll be different, changed, having lost some part of us we can’t really define, though we know it was an important part. The reality we occupied is gone, killed by a disease we are powerless to fight alone. And right now we all feel terribly alone.

It’s gone. It’s not coming back.

Rest in Peace.